Lost in My Apartment

2011-08-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

How would you teach the standards in your class if your job was not on the line and there was no standardized test? How would you facilitate the learning of those skills in those circumstances? Why don't you already teach that way? If you do, then great! If you don't then what are you worried about?

In the previously mentioned Back to Work podcast Merlin Mann and Dan Benjamin speak about how businesses would bring him in to speak about methods he'd used to make himself more productive and efficient. He then goes on a tangent about the lip service paid to the employees of a company about innovation.

Innovation is not something that is directly talked about in education. I've never heard my principal come to a faculty meeting and say "We need to innovate the way we teach." But in the news we hear about things like "Race to the Top," which was a incentive based reform tool (much like in the 80's the federal government told the states they would pull Interstate road funding from states that didn't raise the legal drinking limit to 21 except in this case it is not pulling funding but adding money).

"Show us that you are instituting these reforms and we'll give you up to 500 million dollars."

When this gauntlet was dropped, 46 states scrambled to institute reforms or at least make it appear as though reforms were being put into place. Every governor in the land looked at the scorecard and began checking things off.

"Method for evaluating teacher effectivness" Check
"Common standards" Check
and so on...

Its the carrot method for innovation. "Do this. Get this."

In the above video Dan Pink talks about how this model doesn't work for creative jobs, jobs where you must overcome obstacles in creative ways, manage multiple streams of information, and deliver. Teaching is possibly one of the most creative endeavors I've ever encountered. When presented with incentives as teachers, it is quite possible that we would do worse work. Why? Because we are afraid to fail. The stakes get high. The stress level gets high. The flow goes down.

Look I'm not going to turn away from a little more money for doing a good job. But let us be honest, teachers don't teach for money. And the ones who do are washed out in three to five years (thank god for that). The teachers I know teach because they genuinely like engaging the mind of youthful human beings and watching the seeds they plant grow. I teach because I like seeing the aha moment.

Guy: Why do you do this to yourself? Don't even get paid, risk getting arrested, for what?
Ernie: You don't know?
Guy: No.
Ernie: The Nod.
Guy: The Nod?
Ernie: Happens to me at least once every party. Some guy comes up to me and says "Thank you for making this happen... I needed this. This really meant something to me." And they nod... and I nod back.
Guy: [scoffs] ... That's it?
Ernie: That's it.

This little slice of dialogue is from a movie that I used to love (then when I watched again in my mid twenties was less enamored). But its a great lateral comparison to why I teach. I teach (middle school) so that in three years when that student is almost a real adult, they come back to see me and tell me about one little peice of something that I said and how it has influenced them. Its a little pay it forward because I've had teachers who did the same for me.

But back to fear of failure, what happens in todays education marketplace when teachers fail on the standards currently in place. They lose their job. How do you work in that environment? You keep your head down and you give worksheets and assign reading for homework and you do nothing that inspires "the nod." No one, I repeat, no one went back to visit that teacher that kept their heads down, just assigning homework sheets, reading assignments, and multiple choice tests. We all went back to visit the teachers that engaged us, teachers that went outside the box, either in their lessons or their interactions with us as students.

I propose two solutions. The first is pretty standard educational reform faire: Get rid of standardized testing. The damage that standardized testing is long lasting and deep. We teach our students to choose the right answer, not to delve into the problem and explore it. In that vein we teach our students to be afraid of wrong. You get one shot. You passed, great! You failed, remedial classes and a label. I don't live in a multiple choice, knowledge based world. I live in a world where I am presented with a problem and a goal, and using critical thinking, the information tools at my disposal, and hopefully a team of collaborators we come to an effective solution. Information can always can always be found. Knowing what to do with that information can not. You can't grade a teacher based on their students' test scores. We don't grade doctors based on their patients' outcomes.

My second solution is to give us the autonomy to teach in a method of their choosing. Give us the ability to try something innovative and fail. Trust us again. Give us some level of job security. Don't get it twisted, I am not saying give teachers a blank check to do what they want. Unlimited tenure is not effective. Evaluate us based on our teaching. Engage me. Ask me questions. Come into my/our classroom (and not only once a year). When a teacher is ineffective and refuses to fix it, get rid of 'em. The administration can help themselves upfront with hiring. If you hire teachers that believe in what you, the administration, believe in, then you shouldn't have any problems that can't be overcome. Lastly, make meaningful and useful professional development available so I can keep up to date on the best practices.

There is a culture that can be created that fertilizes innovation.

Bottom line: If you want education to innovate, give it back to the teachers.

Blah

2011-08-05T12:11:00.000-07:00

First of all, I've spent this summer in many wonderful ways. Erin went to Florida for a week. When she came back I was able to take care of her after she had oral surgery to correct some gum problems. Then I went to Corpus Christi to play a gig at a place called BlackBeards. As it so happened I was there on Father's Day. This was nice because we spread my dad's ashes from the deck of the Lexington. I spent a few moments in the shadow of the Lexington in honor of him. When I got back from CC, Erin and I went to Pittsburgh to visit my family. This was a great trip. It couldn't have gone better. We spent time with Chris and Amelia and my family. It was unfortunate that we didn't get to spend time with any other friends but it was still a great trip. When we got back life was busy with social occasions like the 4th of July and such. Then we tripped to Colorado. It was beautiful! Erin and John both caught huge Rainbow Trout. We hiked all over the place surrounded by all the beauty nature had to offer. When we got back Erin went to camp and I've been home since. Now for the blog post...

On the way back from Pittsburgh, I began to read Lynchpin by Seth Godin. I have recently been interested in productivity, creativity, synergy and other business buzz words. I follow a number of blogs that all write about these topics.

Zen Habits
Lifehack
43 Folders (not updated since April 2011)
Lifehacker

This stems from a need to get organized and declutter my life. I am always trying to get over getting rid of stuff. I have never been a very organized person. This was part of my downfall in high school and college. So to become a teacher with no organizational skills was a difficult and trying task. Efficiency was/is not my strong suit. On last year did I really start to file things and my online filing cabinet desprately needs to be overhauled and organized.

In addition to these blogs, I listen to a number of podcasts.

This American Life
Radio Lab
Stuff You Missed in History Class

Those are my standards. I used to listen to a podcast called The Marketplace of Ideas. I stopped listening for a while because I felt the people being interviewed either were not talking about something that interested me or because I felt they were talking over my head. I recently looked it up again. I found that Collin Marshall, in his most recent post was interviewing Merlin Mann, writer of 43 Folders. He had done an interview previously with Merlin Mann that I really enjoyed. So I downloaded the episode and they started talking about a new podcast that Merlin Mann was hosting with Dan Benjamin called Back to Work. Inevitably I downloaded that podcast and the basic scoop is that these guys talk about business and how to "get back to work." Merlin willingly concedes in one of the first few podcasts that listening to a podcast about getting back to work is not getting back to work, but I find it worthwhile because it smacks me in the face with the stuff that I'm not doing that I wish I was doing more of and the stuff that I am doing of which I wish I was doing less.

Things I wish I was doing more of:
-Reading (stories, plays, presidential biographies, teaching stuff)
-Writing Curriculum
-Writing (stories, plays, blog posts)
-Creating stuff
-Researching for writing
-Spending time with people I love
-Spending time with people who inspire me
-Meditating

Things I wish I was doing less:
-Facebook
-Mindless TV watching
-General Mindless Web surfing
-Video games

Ironically, Facebook, mindless TV watching, and general Web surfing takes up a largest chunk of my day. This is the most writing I've done in a long time (putting aside the letters I've been writing to Erin since she's been at camp).

I think I shall stop here for a moment. Just know that the Back to work podcast has inspired some thought that I will publish here. Hopefull not in a year.

Cheers!

Hey.

2011-07-29T19:29:00.001-07:00

Hey.

Run

2011-03-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

With my new shoes. This run felt great!

Run

2011-03-17T16:11:00.001-07:00

Grades

2010-04-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

Quality and effort are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they go hand in hand. Quality should follow effort. These are both subjective terms. Quality is in the eyes of the client or teacher, the adjudicator. Effort can only be judged by the creator. A person can make their own qualitative judgement of their work but in the end his/her opinion does not matter except to defend their work. The client or teacher may look at the amount of “obvious” effort and deem it appropriate or insufficient but this is only based on the judgement of the final product.

One situation I see repeatedly as a teacher is a lot of effort for the wrong or a small aspect of a project. I provide a rubric, making the student aware of exactly what I will be looking for when I grade their final product. Students, especially in the middle grades, will get hung up on one element of the project and forget about everything else. I see them exerting great effort on that one element of the project but the quality of their final product when looked at with the rubric is lacking. Should this effort be rewarded? I think not, considering, as Bryan says above, “...life is about results...”

Grades are arbitrary. It is a quantitative measure of learning, which is not quantifiable. I remember in high school and middle school becoming extremely frustrated because my grades did not reflect my knowledge or abilities. Why? I did not like doing homework. I did quality work on tests and projects but I hated the worksheets and chapter review questions, so I neglected to complete the work. I still hate paper work.

I once told a co-worker that “teaching would be perfect, if I didn’t have to grade.” How am I supposed to tell a sixth grade student that their art was, or was not, good enough? Grades have dropped us into a world where we learn for peanuts. The number on the paper at the end of the marking period is more important than the knowledge and experience. The system (in Texas) evaluates them based on a couple sixty question multiple choice tests. Grades do not instill a love of learning but an attitude of “good enough,” of counting the number of points “I need to get to get an ‘A.’”

How else do we hold students accountable? There is the rub. There must be some way for the admission office to compare people to decide who gets into Harvard. So we grade.

Inspiration

2009-12-29T12:42:00.000-08:00

I have been following a few creativity and innovation blogs. They often write about running into writers block. I imagine in these instances the writers have these wonderfully fabulous ideas and after writing they run into a wall, unsure of where to go. I have the opposite problem. I have the inspiration to create something, to write or paint or play music. I just get into the "deer in headlights" head space. For me there is nothing more intimidating than a blank page. I want to have a plan but often I get so bogged down in editing myself even before I begin writing anything. Then through that process I let the inspiration pass and then I don't create anything. Or I blog about not being able to write.

The beginning

2009-11-22T14:56:00.000-08:00

I never got to do yesterday’s ten minutes but I wanted to make sure I got back on the horse as soon as possible.

It’s been a while since I have written consistantly in this blog and in the time that I have been writing in it I have never mentioned my girlfriend. I think there are many reasons. I didn’t want to come off as overly sappy or turn this into a “me and my girlfriend” live journal type of space. I also think I wanted to blog about stuff, like politics or education. But I always come back to myself and my own reflections. So here is our story.

Once upon a time there was a theatre teacher (that’s me). And this teacher taught at a school, as they often do. And this school allowed for student teachers to come in their last year of undergrad to get some real in the classroom time. One such student teacher was named Erin.

Erin wanted to teach English. She was placed with a friend of mine named Emily. Emily taught eighth grade language arts. Emily was one of our social organizers on the campus. She had gotten a group of teachers to meet once a week for some pub trivia at a local wing joint in South Austin. One night at these competitions Emily said, “I’m going to hook you two up.” I laughed and didn’t think of it much after that. I had been single for a long while and while I wasn’t really trying hard to find a girlfriend, the idea was appealing. Erin was extremely beautiful and, even though it was difficult to show it (being so self conscious), she was great fun to be around.

I started eating lunch with Emily and Erin almost everyday. Erin started to join us at trivia. Through this interaction I eventually felt comfortable enough to ask her out. But it wasn’t that simple, was it? I might feel that kind of connection, but does she? I had no clue what she thought of me. I knew that if I didn’t ask her that I would lose my chance, either because her time on our campus would run out or some other guy would ask her first. So decided it was now or never.

We met for trivia that Wednesday night. I don’t think we won but even if we had I don’t think that would have stuck out in my memory. I remember, we settled our checks and everyone got up to leave. Erin got up to go to the restroom. I hung back by the table waiting for Erin to come back. Emily and Matt stopped, wondering why I was waiting alone. I practically shoved them out the door explaining that I was going to ask her out. After Emily and Matt left I went back to the table. Erin came back and there was some small talk as we walked out. I don’t remember if she asked me or if I asked her, but somehow we decided that she was going to give me a ride to my car...which was in the same lot. So we got in and buckled up. Nerves set in. We pulled up to my car and I blurted out the words, “We should grab dinner sometime.” She claims this completely took her by surprise, but she did agree.

I asked for her number. She gave it to me and being clever I called her to make sure it was her number. Her phone didn’t ring! We laughed about it as I got her voicemail. I then got out of the car. As she drove away I did a celebratory fist pump (ala Tiger Woods), only to find that Emily and Matt had stayed behind to find out the results of my endeavor. Emily suggested we go out to Mug Shots to celebrate. She called Erin to invite her out as well. Fun was had by all.

That was the beginning.

Demand better food!

2009-11-22T14:17:00.001-08:00

Writing and stuff

2009-11-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

So I’ve decided I will devote ten minutes a day to nothing but writing. I have been reading alot lately about writing, as a craft and a hobby. They all say the same stupid things. “Don’t let yourself get distracted,” “Never stop writing.” “Live passionately”

While I agree with most of these sentiments it is far harder to do them than to type them. So here is my attempt.

In the vein of writing I have never really done much. I have done a great job ignoring my blog. I have started four plays in the last 6 months and I occasionally open up the files to see if anything else has kick-started in my head (which is usually useless). I enjoy writing. It just seems as though I am always able to find something else to take it’s place.

The ironic thing is that reading all of this advice about writing is inspiring and gives a certain sense of fulfillment. But it is false. I have also been reading about productivity. Has this made me any more productive? No. But I have certainly learned many different techniques that will supposedly make me more productive. I have even put a couple into practice. But changing habits is hard.

My desk is still cluttered with text books, papers, play scripts, props, video cameras, video camera chargers. I want a clean desk with nothing on it. I wish I could use my personal computer on the districts website(not that it would make me any more productive).

I want to lead a minimalist life. I want my life to be uncluttered by things. This is hard for me because I also want things! Earlier this week my car was broken into (not technically because they didn’t break anything, I just left my car unlocked in front of my house), they took a couple of watches out of my car and my gum. The watches were my grandfathers. One was a ten year service watch from Roadway and the other was a Bulova pocket watch. I’m not sure how much they were worth (and to be honest I don’t really care). I did have the intention to get them restored and maybe wear them. But now that they are gone I feel the slight pang that they are gone. Maybe it was the best thing for me. I have too much stuff. Mostly excessively sentimental stuff.

Something that caught my eye.

2009-09-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

I am in Gulfport, Mississippi. I came here to visit my grandparents. My grandfather went into the hospital a couple of weeks ago. It was looking pretty grim but he's doing much better and is not the topic of this blog post.

In 2005 Hurricane Katrina left an indelible mark on the Gulf Coast. We can all remember the images from New Orleans. The flooded streets, the sleeping bag city in the Super Dome, the post storm looting. Gulfport was also severely damaged by Katrina.

This area, which includes Biloxi and Long Beach, has the wonderful culture of riverboat casinos. The river boat casino was a compromise between the pro gambling lobbyist and the anti gambling lobbyist. In the past the boats had to actually be able to leave the coast. Now however the buildings are just built off of the beach. My family used to go to a casino called "The Grand." The Grand was built on a pier off of the beach in Biloxi. High way 90 runs along the beach, literally a stones throw away from from the surf. Katrina plucked the Grand from its cement moorings and relocated it 100 feet north of 90. This hotel/casino was at least 20 stories tall!

In the end we know what happened as far as our governments support. I'm not here to indict anybody for their failed reactions. We know that this area of the country needed help.

While I was at the hospital I saw an honorary message for a donor, who had donated funds to help rebuild and restore Memorial Hospital in Gulfport. When I think of international aid. I think of it being exported.

"In grateful recognition of the People of Qatar who gave generously to Memorial Hospital after Hurricane Katrina."

The People of Qatar!? Isn't that in the middle east?

Yes, as a matter of fact it is. This tiny country has a population of roughly 1.5 million. They donated millions to the restoration of the hospital. Millions? Millions.

I suppose I'm doing nothing more here than to show how American I am. Sadly I had never thought about the United States receiving help from abroad. It helped me to gain a little more of a sense of the community of the world. Even the big guy needs help sometimes.

I'll post a picture of the message when I figure out how to make it work.

Lost In My Classroom!!!

2009-08-12T10:47:00.001-07:00

Actually I haven't gotten lost in there yet...

Apparently they have a summer camp on my campus and they used my room for the counselors, which is fine except that it means that they weren't able to wax the floors until this week. I wish I had brought my camera to the school with me. All of the furniture from my classroom is on the stage, everything! Good news though, they are buying me new drapes for the stage! I picked out the colors and the fabric types, the purchase order is in, I just need to tell the vendor what I want. The drapes that are there now are 25 years old and haven't been cleaned in about ten. Some of the border drapes are beginning to fall apart, so this will be nice.

This is supposed to be my "Beginning of the School year" entry. Going into my third year of teaching I am faced with a very similar situation to the past two... What the heck am I going to teach? I have to teach these state standards, but to tell you the truth they are pretty vague as far as activities go. I joke often with my elective group that I cover almost all of those standards in any given lesson. "Demonstrate safe use of voice and body." No one got hurt today, CHECK!

So as I near the edge of the cliff that drops into free fall on day one, I decided to write some thoughts out to jump start the planning of my semester. I will have four preps again this year: 6th Grade Theatre, Theatre I, Advanced Theatre, and WRTV (Video Technology). For this exercise I will stick with my theatre preps.

What do you want my students to learn?
In all of my classes I want my students to continue to grow in those skills that they are already using in all of their other classes, effective reading and writing, critical thinking, creativity, etc. Part of the reason I love teaching theatre is because the class is like a laboratory for experimenting with these skills and providing context. In my 6th grade class, I want the students to begin the transition from creative drama and play into more formal theatre techniques and practices. I want to place a little more structure on the improv and play, maybe introduce scripts gradually with some readers theater and maybe end with a ten minute play script. For my theatre I students, I want them to dive into the formal theatre. Working with scenes and play analysis, they will be acting and on their feet. This class is really a preparation for the advanced class. I want to get them thinking about the technical aspects as well asking questions like, "What costumes do you see," "What does the set look like," etc. In a perfect world scenario I would be able to have them make model sets either out of paper building materials or legos or something. I also envision them making sets out of large cardboard pieces. If only I had the budget for lumber (let alone a storage space). And lastly there is my advanced class. I want to immerse this group into the production of a play. We will read four, maybe five scripts, choose one and go through the process of putting show up, designing and building sets, putting together costume pieces, rehearsing with actors, lighting, a crew.

So I guess those are my learning goals. Now I just need to drop that into a 17-18 week schedule. I am excited and ready to go back, just as soon as my floors are done and my room is in order.

Health Care Reform

2009-07-31T10:36:00.000-07:00

The news (CNN, Fox, NYT, etc.) has been overwrought with health care reform coverage. We've heard from the Democrats, the Republicans, the pundits, the Blue Dog Democrats, and everyone else who is willing to speak on it. And once you've finished reading this you will have heard from me.

I have been told by a few people who have known me for a good long while that they were surprised to find that when I moved to Texas my political nature blushed a little. In the waning years of high school I was a fairly liberal individual. One thing that hasn't changed is my support for health care for everyone, even to the point of socialized medicine.

I believe that in a perfect world where everyone is working for the good of society that everyone should obtain the benefits of the total work done. Inherent in that statement, everyone gets healthcare. Some people would say "What about those who don't work? Do they still get health care?" Yes.

Now I'm not blind to the problems of socialized medicine. The first being the cost. According to the Congressional Budget Office Director's Blog:

According to CBO’s and JCT’s assessment, enacting H.R. 3200 would result in a net increase in the federal budget deficit of $239 billion over the 2010-2019 period. That estimate reflects a projected 10-year cost of the bill’s insurance coverage provisions of $1,042 billion, partly offset by net spending changes that CBO estimates would save $219 billion over the same period, and by revenue provisions that JCT estimates would increase federal revenues by about $583 billion over those 10 years.

July 18, 2009

Granted, since this was posted, both the proposals in the house have been revised and even as this entry is typed the committees are debating and line iteming this bill. So, the hard question - "Who pays for this?" My easy answer is, we all do. If you think about it, insurance premiums are where they are because of a number of factors, the uninsured, our litigious society, "defensive medicine" (as a result of our litigious society), our lack of preventative measures like eating right, exercising, quitting smoking, moderation with alcohol, etc. So all in all we are already footing the bill for those who aren't covered, so why not admit it and acknowledge it outright.

The second big question, "Who is in control?" The answer that is being debated is the government option. Put the government in charge of medicine. One side says, "Why not? Then we can control costs." The other side says, "Look at what control we've already given them. They've screwed up Social Security, Medicare, education, Veteran Health care..." I think both sides have points here. Privatized health care has run rampant over patient rights. But the government could do the same thing. While no one wants to admit cost vs. value in a healthcare situation is life and death. Is the government really going to give society a blank check when it comes to healthcare options? Who is going to make sure that the government run healthcare is doing good by us? Another government oversight agency? The conservative base will just lose it if that happens.

I thought it sad that in the documentary Fahrenheit 911, regardless of what you think of Michael Moore, a United States citizen couldn't get treatment here but could take a boat to Cuba, and receive medical services without charge.

Why wouldn't a citizen who can afford it want to help a fellow man? If I knew that my contributions to an insurance plan would help someone who needed it, especially since I don't need it now being a strapping healthy young individual, I would absolutely pay into something like that.

Many of my friends say that I give too much benefit of doubt, that I am too trusting, and maybe I am. But I think a refusal to do so is just a fear that the person you might help wouldn't do the same for you in a reversed situation. How many people don't eat, get a doctors care, get a hug because of that lack of trust. Forgive me for thinking that people as a whole are good natured and willing to do the right thing.

Do I think that a government run healthcare system that allows everyone, and I do mean everyone, healthcare without question? No, at least it isn't the only option. But something needs to change and needs to change fast.

Teachers! Here you go!

2009-07-23T15:53:00.001-07:00

Harvard Professor Arrested...For Being Black?

2009-07-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

On July 16, 2009, a 911 call reported a potential break in to Cambridge dispatch. An officer reported to scene. Henry Louis Gates Jr., a Harvard Scholar, was arrested for disorderly conduct. Since then the media has reported about the racial aspect of the case. What made this situation racial? A white man was the arresting officer.

I am not going to pretend that this country has moved on from is racist roots. I won't. I'm from western Pennsylvania and went to college in central Pennsylvania. Ever big wheel truck there has a confederate flag license plate, and not because they like General Lee. Racism is certainly alive and well in America. But can we cry racism here? I won't come to any hard conclusions because I wasn't there. But I do want to propose giving our peace officers the benefit of the doubt.

If my neighbors saw me banging on my door they might call the cops. My neighbors don't know me. Now if a cop shows up to investigate a potential break in, I am going to be on my best behavior. I have been taught to absolutely respect the authority of the police. If I begin yelling at the officer or accusing him of things, I show myself as a potential threat and can then be detained. I can also be detained if I am getting in the way of the officer completing his duty. The difference between this hypothetical situation and the one that occurred on the 16th is that I am a caucasian male and Professor Gates is an African American. There is something referred to in race studies as white privilege. This states that I will be given more benefit of doubt than an african american would, all things being equal aside from race. I would love to believe that this is just theory but if you look close enough at our society you will see it. This is another blog entry all to its own.

There are two versions of the story. Gates' version and the arresting Officer Crowley's version. And my mother in her infinite wisdom told me, "in divorce there are always two sides, and neither is the complete truth. You'll find elements of truth in both, but neither will be all the way." I have no doubt that it is true in this situation as well.

"The police and Professor Gates offered differing accounts of what happened after officers arrived. Professor Gates said that he had shown photo identification to Sergeant Crowley but that the sergeant had appeared not to believe that he lived there. Frustrated, Professor Gates said, he asked for the name and badge number of Sergeant Crowley, who, he said, refused to give them.

By the police account, Professor Gates initially refused to show identification, and Sergeant Crowley did provide his name. When told that Sergeant Crowley was investigating the possibility of a break-in, the police said, Professor Gates yelled, “Why, because I’m a black man in America?” and accused the sergeant of racism. Professor Gates followed the officer from the inside of the house onto the porch, yelling at him, the police report said."
---Harvard Scholar Won’t Be Charged By KATIE ZEZIMA and ABBY GOODNOUGH NYTIMES

The situation ended with the professor being arrested and initially charged with disorderly conduct. The charges have since been dropped. But the situation has been blown up and has reignited the racial discussion. Even the President has weighed in on the situation.

"I don't know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, what role race played," Obama said Wednesday night while taking questions after a White House news conference. "But I think it's fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry; No. 2, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home; and, No. 3 ... that there's a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately."

I applaud Obama for not making a judgement call and admitting that he did not know "not having been there and not seeing all of the facts." This shows good temperament. And he's right. I would've been angry in that situation. But his number two bothers me. To come out and accused the police of "act[ing] stupidly" immediately after admitting that he "did not know" seems contradictory and political. The charge he was arrested for was disorderly conduct after the proof was presented. He wasn't arrested for being in his own home.

All things considered, breaking into your own home isn't illegal. But a responding officer has an obligation to get the entire story, thus must be allowed to do a thorough investigation. If someone breaks into my house and when the responding officer shows up, the burglar says he is my house sitter and the officer leaves allowing him to steal my computers and music equipment, I would be far more pissed off than if he had put me in cuffs and sat me down out of his way to complete his investigation.

If we begin to second guess our police forces, as we have for a while now, we take their authority away. Many of us don't like the police. They get in our way when we are late by pulling us over for speeding in a school zone. They arrest us when we act stupid downtown after drinking a little too much. We jokingly, or not so jokingly, call them pigs. But why do we have police forces in the first place? They are there to protect and serve. The police officer who responded to the call was doing his job. If we assume that the arrest was racially motivated then we have to suspect everything the police do. If we can't assume that our police will uphold the law then why do we have them? Have their been cops that have abused their authority? Yes. Are there cops who are still cops that abuse their power? Yes. Is every police officer subject to suspicion? No. By giving them the badge we trust them to always tell the truth and to uphold the honor of that badge. They have earned our trust by completing the academy and completing their training. When we take it away, we give strength to the criminals they are trying to protect us against.

In conclusion, I have no idea what went on a week ago in the living room of Gates' house. I hope the officer was doing his job, for his sake and society's. We need to remember that with the badge comes our trust, without it the police are useless.

History is dying

2009-07-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

I have these big huge discoveries every once in a while. These discoveries are nothing that anyone wouldn't know automatically but when something brings these thoughts to the forefront of my mind it is blown.

Really, the idea that the people who were born a while ago will die before me is not a new idea. This article from CNN is what started this whole mind blowing line of thinking.
World's oldest man, WWI vet, dies aged 113

"Henry Allingham, the world's oldest man and the oldest surviving British veteran from World War I, has died at the age of 113, his care home said Saturday." In the TV segment devoted to this story, the reporter said that he was one of two still living World War I vets in the UK. These guys are a endangered historical resource. I began pulling history forward and seeing the future. Someday the world will be without any World War II vets and Holocaust survivors. In our lifetime we will see Vietnam Vets go the same way. And in the waning years of my hopefully long life I will see veterans of the first Gulf War fade into the print of history books.

I suppose I realized this a while ago. Every summer we visit my Grandparents in Mississippi. On my mother's side, my grandfather was in Vietnam disarming explosive ordinance. I was about seventeen when I realized that someday he would pass silently into memory and he would no longer be able to tell his story. So that summer I had intentions of buying a tape recorder and asking him all about his experiences. While I didn't get the tape recorder, I did question him extensively about his experience and insight into the Vietnam War. While he was traumatically sent home after receiving a Purple Heart, he spoke jovially about what went on over there.

I realize now that I am slowly but surely moving back to the topic of Legacy. History and Legacy can almost be synonyms. Well, maybe not but they can certainly go hand in hand.

That same day it was reported that the community of journalism had lost a great one of its own. Walter Cronkite, died on July 17, 2009 at the age of 92. It has been said that video and other media will replace text. If the same true in education, then Walter Cronkite will certainly be the author of the history "text books" used in the coming years for history from World War II until the early eighties.

History is fading into the past...and there's nothing you can do about it.

Bedroom Update

2009-07-13T21:49:00.001-07:00

For the Record....

I moved in...

2009-07-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

Well I started to anyway. I am far from calling myself moved in, but during the first week of June I began to move my things from my overpriced one bedroom apartment into a house that is reasonable. This is where I've gotten since June 3rd.

I have to be honest. It's been a little more organized than that and usually only turns into this mess when I decide to do some moving in.

The problem is my bookshelves. I have a small set of book shelves. I am struggling with filling them. You see most of my stuff is books. As I began to put books into the shelves I realized I was putting all of my dad's books into the shelves. He was a Tom Clancy and Robert A. Heinlein fan. I have all of his old books. I probably have 75% of Clancy's offerings and about half of them are 1st prints. Some of the Heinlein books are first prints as well. My struggle is this, I want my shelves to reflect my literary tastes but I don't want to off load these books. First of all, I don't want to get rid of anything that used to be my father's. I have some serious pack rat habits when it comes to things that were his. It took me two years to go through half of his files. It'll probably take me another two the get through the rest. On top of the sentimental value, there of practical value. About two thirds of these books are first editions which makes them collectors items. But I am not a book collector, nor do I have the room to become one. I would love to keep them but I hate keeping books in boxes.

Here then is my question: Do I keep the books, in boxes or otherwise? If I get rid of them, how do I find their true monetary value so as not to get ripped off?

Ultimately, the goal is to have a room I can live in, but these quandaries always make me stop and stress me out.

Onwards and Upwards.

Writing

2009-05-13T05:06:00.001-07:00

I always have these ideas for plays or stories. But I never write them. Why? Because I always feel unprepared. I remember when I was twelve I started writing a novel that took place in New York City. I got my first taste of unpreparedness. I had not been to New York at that point. I was undoubted writing a stereo type of Gotham City based on what I had seen on television. Now I look back and think that I could have made the city any city or a ficticious city. I was confounded by my lack of knowledge about the geography of the city. I asked my dad to buy me a map of manhattan. He asked me why. I didn't want to tell him that I was writing a novel so I said "I don't know," and dropped it. I ultimately dropped the novel too. I wonder how many words I have tabled and forgotten because of that unpreparedness. Its ironic because when my student write I tell them that its important "just to write." Sift through ninety nine pounds of coal for a half karat diamond. I can't bring myself to practice what I teach.

Chris asked me during my sophmore year in college, "Do you enjoy writing?" And I responded with a resounding yes. But as I've already admitted previously, there are times where I think I just like the image of the writer. I enjoy writing here when I have a topic to write about. I don't want to feel like my writing is contrived. I can write about my ideas or the things going on in my life because I am the expert on my life and ideas. But when it comes to writing real, flesh and blood characters going through a traumatic experience or finding the funny in life I feel ill equipped.

The Importance of Words.

2009-04-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

One of the things I would like to impress upon my students is the importance of words. Words are important, right? Communication is nearly impossible without words.

One of the things I always get on my kids about are the misuse of two words: Gay and Retarded. I hate these words when used in the context of "This play is gay." Or "This is retarded, why do I have to read?" Not only is it impossibly annoying when kids ask questions like "Why do I have to read?" But they don't seem to realize what they mean when they say these two words in this context. I try to explain it in terms they might understand.

"When someone does something silly or stupid, how would you guys feel if I said 'Man, that was really Mexican.'" And of course this sets off the whole class, 97% of whom are hispanic. "Well you do the same thing to those people who are homosexual or have mental handicaps." It doesn't change anything. They still say the words and no matter how many times I sit for lunch detention it doesn't seem to stop.

The kids ask me why they can't swear. "They're just words Mr. Snyder." They are right. They are just words. But words have power. Who ever said "Sticks and stones..." was full of it. Words have meaning. Granted, we give them their meaning but isn't that the purpose of words?

Language has been around for many millennium. Created for the soul purpose of organized communication.

Hominid 1: Grunt grunt grunt.
(Hominid 1 points at a tree and makes an eating motion)
Hominid 2: Tree!
Hominid 1: Tree?
Hominid 2: Tree!
Hominid 1: Tree!
(The hominids dance together in celebration)

As humans language can be used in many different ways. We tell stories of the past, our hopes for the future, we can use language to make up either, we can explain, so on and so forth. My anthro professor in college once told me that the English language has a finite number of words, but almost every sentence spoken in the world is a distinct creation unique to the speaker. Think about that! These characters on this webpage placed in this configuration of words and sentence that follow the rules of grammar are a completely unique creation. No one in the history of the world has ever written this exact entry, or spoken these words. That is astounding to me.

---Edit: The stuff above was written on April 13th. The stuff below was written on the day of the posting.

So the whole reason for this entry was...you guessed it...A TED video.

So I watch Lakshmi's talk about words, letter writing, and legacy. First, I thought of my father's journals. Shortly before my father's death, I found a journal that he had written in on a regular basis from February 24, 1987 until December 2, 1987 (my birthday was the topic of that particular entry). It is important to note that I moved to San Marcos in late August of '06 and the last time I heard my dad attempt to speak was September 26. So by the time I had found this journal my dad's major form of communication was written word. The day after my father died we found three other spiral notebooks, all labeled as volumes and with titles.

Volume I - Alias (November 1979 - December 1980)
Volume II - Flora Kydd (December 1980 - February 1982)
Volume III - External Combustion (Febrary 1983 - Febrary 1987)
Volume IV - Dealing With Stress (February 1987 - January 14, 2007)

The titles I'm assuming were band names or album names of his own creation. You can't imagine how enlightening it was to read about my dad's life after it was over. Providence had given me something of my father's legacy. My dad wasn't really a prolific journalist and some of his entries are marred with "I feel bad for whomever finds this and reads this long after I'm gone..." Which mad me laugh because my own journals say the same thing. But even now as I pull them out just for the purposes of writing this, I am keenly aware of the fact that my fathers hands touched these paper books. That the blood coursing through his veins and the muscles in his arm and hands guided a pen and the evidence of those moments are still here.

Legacies are left in words. I had the good fortune to know someone who thought it imperative that I see the movie Big Fish, which I hadn't previously seen. I am immensely thankful that I had not gone to see the movie when it initially came out in 2003. I was able to wholly enjoy the movie so much more after having dealt with my fathers own death. The whole movie is about a legacy left in oral histories. My father's legacy is left in journals and the stories those of us who knew him tell.

No matter who you are, when you die you are at the behest of the words written or spoken about you. Hopefully you don't leave your legacy to those who are left after you die. Start making your legacy now. You don't have to keep a journal or write anything. Just live. Be good to those around you. And hope that those that didn't like you die off before you do, just kidding.

I often wonder what kind of legacy I will leave.

Hmmmmm...

Today has been an interesting day.

2009-04-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

In all honesty, today probably hasn't been any more interesting than any other day, it is just that I have pulled into my head and marinated in my thoughts.

I am a random net user. I start with a word, let's say "velcro." Then I go where every good web adventure begins, Google.

My Google Search

Of course the Wikipedia page is the first entry in my search queue.

As I read through the history, invention, and application on Velcro, I undoubted get to the bottom of the Wiki page and find the suggested links.

"Biomimicry" What the heck is that? And so on and so forth.

This leads me on an Alice and Wonderland type journey and ends somewhere, probably bed time, with no real resolution or conclusion.

Let me back up a little bit...

I suppose today's jump into my head started last night. I was reading through my friends blog and came across a blog that she reads. Just reading the entries there made me think about what it is that teachers do and what that means. I ultimately came to no conclusions but it pulled me behind my eyes.

So today three out of six of my classes were held in a computer lab. In between monitoring my students, taking roll, and other responsibilities, I started to look for stuff. During class I found nothing of note, but at lunch I found something. I found this:

If you don't have the twenty minutes to watch this video, then no big deal. But listening to this talk made me, the already introspecting "what does it all mean" person, think about my own life. Do I move to fast? Am I moving to fast? Could I use a slow down? How does this apply to my teaching? Has this year been frustrating because I am rushing through material (I should note that this year has only been mildly frustrating compared to last year)? Where else could my life use a slow down? Slowing down is relaxing. Whether I really need it or not, I am going to slow down and watch the world as it slowly passes by. Right now as I write this I am watching the orange stripe of sunlight be consumed by the blue of night. I gotta say I like it. Although I don't know that this multi tasking counts as a slow down but I digress.

I want to write more but I will save it for tomorrow.

The Importance of Words - Tomorrow.

Continued distraction

2009-04-12T13:22:00.001-07:00

Instead of working on what I'm supposed to be working on, I decided to do some more laundry and see what is going on on my friends blogs. I am not surprised but kinda sad to say that no one from college is still posting in their usual college-era blogs. How am I supposed to keep track of you if you don't blog?!?

I'm not going to mention that this is two in a row...

So I looked up the thesis outline I am supposed to follow and I feel a little better about what I need to do. What the hell is an abstract? Why would you put a summary in the front of your paper? Doesn't that short change the whole purpose? The reader could just as easily read the abstract and my references and get the same idea. Anyone out there write a thesis paper ever? Am I supposed to break it up into chapters? Grrr... Now I am a little frustrated again.

I keep doing things so I don't actually have to focus on what I should focus on. For instance, right now I want to go running. Which is a good thing except that I just want to go running to get thesis out of my head. I'm not going running. I'm going to write three pages today.

Gotta have goals.

Constant Distraction

2009-04-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

I have to keep myself in a position of constant distraction, which is awesome because no one can distract me better than myself. So here I am writing here when I should be writing my thesis. The problem is that I don't know how to write a thesis. Well, I know how to write a thesis, I mean I get the mechanics of it and what its supposed to look like in the end. I just don't know a good way to manage my research. You see, the more I read about thesis writing I've found I've done it all backwards. I have piles and piles of valid, wonderful, research but nothing for that research to comment on yet. So now I need to just write as much as I possibly can about "Online Collaborative Professional Development for Teachers" and hope that something clicks. But, I sit writing here.

That reminds me...

I wish I had some writing habits. As witnessed here I am no good at keeping a schedule for writing. I do a fair amount of writing everyday but not on one thing, more like on everything, paper, hall passes, notes, emails, walls, occaisonally here, in my private diary.

Brandon sits at his desk writing furiously in a notebook

BRANDON (VO): Dear diary, a lot has happened since I last wrote in you. I hope no one finds you and reads you and then all of my secrets would get out. Anyway, Jaime told Mikey...

What does it take to establish GOOD writing habits? I have always fancied myself a writer but to be honest I think I just liked the image that other writers had and wanted some of that. I enjoy writing though, it never winds up a priority.

I read a book that says that there is almost no such thing as genius. Behind every piano or violin virtuoso is 20,000 or so hours of practice. Now, knowing that how do I get myself to sit down and write for 20,000 hours? Does that even translate to writing?

What the crap?

I, really, like, commas...

Thesising...

Musical Opening

2009-04-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow my musical opens. This makes me nervous, excited, and truly proud. My kids are rocking this musical which is fitting since it is a rock musical, at least by name.

This year followed the same pattern as last year. I freaked out two weeks before the show. Now I think they're ready. They're ready. Kids always have a way of surprising you. Always.

Here we go!

I'm gonna rant.

2009-03-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

I will apologize now and then again at the end. I'm sorry.

I just listened to a reporter on NPR talk about our broken health care system and that got me thinking.

Why is our health care system broken?

If you want to help fix our health care system, don't complain about the high premiums, live a healthy life style. Quit smoking. Eat your damn vegetables. Go out side and play! When your doctor messes up and you get stuck in the hospital an extra two days, don't sue him for millions of dollars, just DON'T pay! Those are the reasons our premiums are so high.

This got me thinking about another gripe that has hit the news these days, our failing education system...

Is education failing the students or are the students failing at the education? It's more than likely an even split of both. But as a teacher I am doing my damnedest to get the kids to learn what they are supposed to learn. But its an uphill battle. The kids have to meet the teacher halfway. You can lead a horse to water but pushing it in won't make it drink. Look up the 8th grade graduation test, never mind I did it for you, can you pass it? Can a senior in high school? Can all seniors? What about 8th graders? Some people argue that we've dumbed down education to support student success. Others argue that our students have begun to lose their way. I don't care who you blame, you wanna fix the problem? If you are a student, shut up, sit down, do your damn homework. If you are a teacher, never stop learning and getting better at your job, be willing to take criticism from your peers and your students, and if you don't care then QUIT!

I have more words I want to say but I'm afraid they will be mis-recieved and offensive. The point is there is no government plan that will fix education. It's between the students and the teachers. We have to allow our kids to fail otherwise they think success is a given. Bad teachers need to go work in telemarketing, just a fact, but good teachers shouldn't have to put up with the bashing that the "education system" is getting. Test scores are a crock, especially in a society where the whole known world is a google away. Do they need to know basic skills? Yes. Can a standardized test really tell you if a student has the knowledge and critical thinking skills needed in the real world? No. Find a better way. If you want my input then ask, otherwise its all on you.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." Ghandi said that and I believe it. I'm trying to be a successful teacher with a six figure salary, but its harder than it sounds.

Again I apologize for the rant. Also I apologize for falling off of the earth for a while. I firmly resolve to write for thirty days straight, again. Thank you anonymous for keeping me honest. We need more good un named people like yourself. Good day.

Fluff.

2009-03-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

Not much of an entry....

But its funny.

Tired...

2009-03-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

Man I am wiped. I finally got my CS4 master collection in the mail. I've already edited some audio for 40 days. It's alright. I just need to figure out how to work it.

I requested a leave of absence from my masters program. Hopefully I get my month off so I can write my thesis. I'm not sure what I'll do if they say no. I may just be out of luck, which would suck. Could they deny me a leave of absence? It says in my student contract that we are eligible for one month per twelve. I'm in a twelve month program. Sounds about right to me.

I know this kinda sucks but I'm going to bed. At least I got my entry in right.

Here we go benchmarks!!!! (((thumbs down)))

A post a day...

2009-03-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

So here it comes. I am going to post once a day. I don't promise any sort of length. BUt I do promise a post. Maybe sometimes it'll be a picture. Maybe a video. But I will contribute to this every day for one month. Gotta have goals.

Before Headshaving...

One month after headshaving...

2009-02-03T16:56:00.001-08:00

New Years Resolutions

2009-01-11T11:48:00.000-08:00

I usually don't do New Year's Resolutions. When I resolve to do something, I usually don't. When I was trying to quit smoking if I said, "I am going to quit smoking." I didn't. When I just didn't smoke it was easier to quit. I don't think that quite explains what I mean but thats how it is in my head.

This year, however, I've decided to make a couple of resolutions. Here they are in no specific order.

1. I will answer my phone when it rings and I am not in a situation where answering the phone would be rude.
-Addendum: I will call back when ever I am free.
- Exception: 1-800 #'s and Private numbers.

Historically, I am known as the guy who doesn't answer the phone. I hope you haven't taken offense. My mother is surprised when I answer the phone. Nuff said.

2. I will run four times a week. My running schedule will be Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. I will come up with a mileage schedule soon. Running is good for me. I need things that are good for me. Oh, and I've decided to put my running stuff in its own blog. So, if you are interested in my running here's the new blog. http://runlikeyourbeingchased.blogspot.com/ (note the typo in the address, this was done on purpose because the non-typo address was already taken).

3. I will paint, write, and play more. I have filled my life with non artistic things. Art is good for me. I need to make that more of a priority. I know this one doesn't have a quantifier or a goal to keep but I will make the effort. And that is good enough for me.

4. I will run a sprint triathlon, three 5ks, a 10k and a half marathon in 2009. At least. Barring injury. You gotta have goals.

5. I will post in this at least once a week. So far so good.

That's what I got right now. I realize though that every day is a day to make resolutions and reserve the right to do so at anytime. Like I said in my last post its good to take stock, find room for improvement, and pat yourself on the back.

Why New Years?

2009-01-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

I started asking myself the question, why do we celebrate New Years? Is it just another excuse to party? Is it really that important to celebrate an insignificant day that we have titled "The first day of the year?"

New Years is different from other holidays in that nothing significant took place to determine its day. But it is none-the-less important to celebrate New years. New years give pace to our passing of time. It give man a reason to stop and take stock of the passing of time. Was 2008 a good year? Why? What is going make 2009 different. It's like hitting the reset button. You could feasibly hit that button any time, but there is something awesome about the whole world hitting it together.

What happened in my life in 2008:

-I completed my first year of teaching. Looking back it doesn't seem so bad, but at the time there were certainly times where I thought about throwing in the towel.
-I began my second year of teaching. This year has provided its own challenges, but I do enjoy teaching. Ironic.
-2008 was the first year that has gone wholly by without me being in a serious committed relationship since 1996.
- I successfully quit smoking.
-I improved my credit score by 200 points.
-I started a Masters Degree.
-I learned how to two step.
-I made a couple new fantastic friends

I'm sure there are more points here than this but these are the things that stick out. 2009 will be better than 2008. Of that I am sure.

College Night...

2008-10-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

First let me preface this with a disclaimer:

I am not really the bar hopping, trolling for girls type. I never really have been but always wind up doing such things with friends.

As many of you know, I am a middle school teacher. Let me tell you, there is nothing more unattractive than a male middle school teacher. Many of you are now thinking, "But Brandon you are an attractive interesting guy. What's not to like?" Yes. I am an attractive interesting guy but I am also a middle school teacher. Let's think about this practically...

You, an attractive female, are out at the bar with a friend. Two guys, one of them being my doppelganger, approach you and your friend and ask if you would like to dance. Slightly flattered by the offer, you and your friend say yes. There is that awkward moment where no one is sure who is going to dance with who, then finally someone makes the move and you and the other pair walk out on the dance floor and begin dancing. Now inevitably, unless you are really uninterested (you've taken one for the team...), there is a discussion that happens. Names are exchanged.

"Where are you from?"
"Austin. You?"

The discussion continues. You know small talk stuff. And it seems to be going well.

"What do you do?"
"I'm a student at UT."
"What are you studying?"
"Pre-Law. Philosophy."
"Cool."
"What do you do?"
"I'm a teacher."
"Oh cool. Where do you teach?"
"A middle school in Kyle."

Then the record scratches, the music stops and the rest of the dance is painfully silent. Now this actually happened to me. Not that I was trying to pick her up but seriously did it have to be that I was a middle school teacher? I have to assume that this was it because she was all sorts of talkative before I mentioned the word "middle." Many of you (all four of you) are saying "Brandon, seriously, maybe she just ran out of things to say." Maybe, but this is not the first time I've gotten this reaction. Now this got me thinking. Why?

It takes a special kind of person to teach. Not everyone can do it. Hell, sometimes I don't feel like I can. Every where I go, when people ask me what I do and I tell them that I teach middle school they shake my hand or pat me on the back saying things like, "You must be a saint..." or "I could never teach, I'm so glad you can..." or my personal favorite, "God bless you!" I hear the platitudes of the profession all of the time. I agree. Teachers are extremely important. Education is extremely important. But dammit it is horrible to be a single male teacher.

-I will have to work for 20+ years to make more than $50,000
-On any given day I could be at school from 7:30AM to 7:30PM
-Everyone has their preconceived notions about what a teacher is supposed to be so after the girl hears "teacher" she's got you pegged and there is nothing more to talk about.
-All teachers everywhere are settled down (Married). At least it sometimes feels that way. All of the male teachers are anyway.
-Really, though, do teachers want to date teachers... There's no time!
-Teaching is a female dominated profession. I'm supposed to do things like business, NASCAR racing, or contracting.

I occasionally get bonus points in the above discussion because I teach theater but those bonus points usually don't even bring me up to passing (see I even use teacher metaphors).

From here on out when people ask me what I do, I am going to say "Teaching Artist." Maybe that will make me interesting enough to dance with twice. Maybe.

The paradox of the Prison system

2008-10-11T10:04:00.001-07:00

I don't hold myself in such high regard to think that I am the first to have ever written these thoughts down. I just thought them. So here they are.

The prison system in this country has two functions, to hold criminals to protect the greater good of society and to rehabilitate criminals so that they can return to society. There is the punishment element. Commit a crime, deal with the consequence. And there is the education element. Commit a crime, learn why it was a crime and resolve to not commit a crime again.

One of my new favorite shows is Life on NBC. The show is about Detective Charles Crews. Crews, at the beginning of the first season, has just been released from a life sentence due to new evidence in a murder case. After wrongfully serving twelve years in prison part of his settlement is $50 million and he is reinstated as a detective in the LAPD. The most recent episode, called A Prison Education references the Stanford Prison Experiment, which studied the effects of being a prisoner or being a prison guard. Twenty four male students were chosen to participate, told they would be part of a mock prison. Twelve as guards and twelve as prisoners. The experiment went totally awry. It ended after 6 days, not the intended 14, due to the effects of the students being in those scenarios.

Even though each participant was told it was a "mock" prison, one third of the guards exhibited "genuine sadistic tendencies." Keep in mind these are under graduate students at Stanford University.

I believe in the intrinsic dignity of all human beings, even those who commit heinous acts against society. I also believe that no matter how low someone goes, it is my responsibility never to let myself fall to that level. Just simply as an American following the ideals that the Framers of the Constitution held, we are to hold ourselves to a higher standard. This is why the CIA torture news is such an issue. If we drop our morality to the level of those against which we are fighting then what are we fighting for? Aren't we just two sides of the same coin?

When I read about things like the Stanford Prison Experiment, or even things like the Civil War and the issue of slavery, I try to put myself into that situation and based on the time period, where I am at personally, what side of the issue would I have been on? I can be honest with myself. I honestly don't know, based on the fact that most of my formative years were in Louisiana, if I would have been an abolitionist had I been born in 1850. Of course, we know slavery in all forms is wrong. But still we see racism. I still see it in my own family on occasion and it is just as ugly as the first time I was exposed to it. If I were a guard in the Stanford Prison Experiment, would I have been violent? Would I have let that side of my human nature show itself? Or would I have, feeling as deeply as I do about the dignity of ALL humans, been able to stand up to those who were abusing their power?

To be a prison guard you have to hold that position with two faces. On one side you have to believe that the prisoners are human beings and that no matter what they have done, simply because they are human beings, there is some good in them. On the other side you have to maintain a level of control over the prisoners. To maintain a level of control over anyone is to believe them less than you, less than human, almost an animal. How then can one believe that the prisoners on their roll are human but maintain the kind of control needed to keep peace? This is the problem.

"Absolute power corrupts absolutely." When anyone is in a position of power the temptation to abuse that power is there. The greater the power the greater the temptation. What the Stanford Prison experiment shows us is that even in a situation where all the participants are aware of the pretend nature of the game, the power can be exploited and abused, even if only for the sake of the game. It is not my intention to paint prison guards in a bad light. Not all prison guards abuse their power. I would even go as far to say that no prison guards abuse their power. But the profession of guarding (notice that guard is a synonym of protect) prisoners is a difficult job. And to do that job for any length of time will cause your mind set about the people that hang around that profession to change.

I apologize for blowing up your reader...

2008-10-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

But you got to see this video.

Give me 20 minutes of your life...

2008-10-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

I like this guy. He has a book called Out of Our Minds: Learning to be Creative. It is probably number 11 on my book suggestion list.

I run.

2008-10-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

So I know that some of you, maybe all four of you, are sick of this being a dumping ground for my running stuff. Oh well. It's my blog and I'll run if I want to.

I have to say this nike+ thing, while initially I was concerned that it was over priced, is an awesome motivator. This blog entry ultimately sold me on it. I bought it on thursday and then sprained my ankle at the last summer season soccer game. That benched me for running soccer ...everything. Now that I can run, I love nike+. I don't have the cool nike+ shoes so I had to doctor my shoe a little by cutting a hole into the insole but it works great. I can set short term goals like this ...

Or I can set long term goals for the month like this ...

My current "Resolution" is

If I don't run 100 miles by the end of '08 I will give up beer until July 1st.

This is completely do able since thats about 30 miles a month. Plus I am part of a few individual challenges where I am competing against other people for the "most miles in October" or "First to 50 miles." I think I like the Nike+ because I am a stat person. I like to see all of the nifty graphs but I don't want to have to do all of the math or the programming in excel. I do wish there was a little more flexibility on the website. I wish I could change the x and y axis on the graphs. I would like to see more as far as profiles go. Right now it is just a small icon type picture and the stats of your last run. All in all though I do recommend this to those who need a kick in the ass to get out and run. Posting here just keeps me honest. It makes me feel like I'm not running when I don't run...sort of an accountability thing.

On other phys ed fronts. I am taking the 100 pushup challenge care of 100pushups. I was going to be corny and put up monthly pictures of me getting RIPPED!!!! But I decided against that. I just finished the first week. I think I might need to do the first week again though the 2nd day and the third day I crapped out on the last set of pushups. When I did the test I did 22 pushups so that put me in the third column. I don't think I am that strong. Really more than 50 pushups in about 5 minutes??? So week 1 again for me. I'll get there.

So theres all that.

Cirriculum Vitae

2008-10-02T20:51:00.000-07:00

So I'm constantly looking online for things I can do in my classroom. I was googling "Designing a curriculum" and all of these curriculum vitae cites came up. It made me think about where I am at right now. What is my curriculum vitae? What would go on it? I haven't the foggiest.

-Graduated from IUP with a 3.2
-Taught theater arts 2 years
-will hopefully be completing a MS in Educational Media Design and Technology

Right...um... I suppose that's okay. I am only 24.

On a slightly different note...I really enjoy teaching. I was hesitant to allow myself to like it. It was "the necessary diversion from acting and directing to pay the bills." But I really think this is what I am supposed to be doing. It's nice to have that kind of peace. I'm pretty sure that I would like to leave middle school for a high school program, but I really enjoy what I'm doing.

I was planning some kind of political tirade here but meh... I'm pretty sure Obama is going to win. The McCain camp has gotten me down. They just keep making dumb decisions. Both parties keep talking about each other instead of issues. These are the two best that America can hope for... seriously ... seriously? I am disappointed America. I expected better.

YAY for running!

2008-09-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

I think a real entry is in order...this weekend.

Hell Yeah!!!

2008-09-25T16:34:00.001-07:00

I think I will always be a beginner at running...

2008-09-22T15:49:00.001-07:00

Yay improvement!

2008-09-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

And after not running all that time...my ankle is finally almost better!

For the record...

2008-09-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

I just made myself the best dinner I've had in a long time. It was so good I should've taken a picture of it. You'll just have to imagine it.

I made twice baked potatoes, the leftovers of which will make a great snack/lunch over the next couple of days, pan fried chicken breasts marinated in some vinagrette, and some steamed brussel sprouts.

If you don't think that is a fantastic meal, then understand that I am a 24 year old single male. I don't get much home cookin'. Usually my meals come out of a box, so, yeah. MMMMMMmmmmmmmmm. I should cook more often.

A message to Politicians and Media

2008-09-12T04:31:00.000-07:00

John McCain, please stop talking about change.

Barak Obama, please stop talking about pigs and lipstick

TALK ABOUT THE ISSUES!

Dear Media,
Stop covering the stupid bickering comments that the candidates make. Only show me the candidates talking about the issues. Help this country pick the right president, not the one who can insult the best.

Things to consider:

Experience means piddly. Palin has 2 years state executive experience. Obama has four years senate experience. My grandfather has 0 years government experience. He stocked shelves for 15 years, worked in a factory for 30. I think he would make a better president than anyone who makes the ballot this year. You can't prepare for being president. You know someone in your life that would make a better president than anyone else. Experience means piddly.

Race and gender mean piddly. We like to think that we here in America are very progressive, but yet we fit into these categories, these little boxes, and we refuse to leave them. Vote the issues. Race and gender mean piddly.

No president in the last 232 years has ever had a 100% approval rating. Don't vote the person. Vote issues. Don't vote the party. Vote the issues. Don't vote for change. Vote for education reform, the flat tax, withdraw from Iraq in 36 hours, I don't care what your issues are VOTE 'EM!

RNC DNC lets get real...

2008-09-05T04:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously!? These little festivals are nothing more than preaching to the choir. When CNN talks to people on the other side of the aisle, we don't get actual commentary from the Dems on the RNC or from the Pubs on the DNC. What we get is people spewing party line against the speeches from the night before.

Don't let the party decide for you! Think for yourself! They are all rich old men!!!! Vote for my grandfather! Vote for your grandfather! Vote for someone who has all the experience they need, being an American citizen for the past 60 years.

So jaded, this guy is so jaded.

Another really bad run...

2008-09-01T16:49:00.001-07:00

My take on the current political landscape...Part 1

2008-08-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

Now that both campaigns are full up, VP's and all, I feel like I can write about my own personal torment.

Realistically, I am one in 305 million people in the country (Population Clock, Censes bureau). About a two thirds of the country is legally eligible to vote and approximately 150 million will vote this year. Here in Texas I am one in about 13 million. When you look at it like that, its daunting. I'm just a drop in the bucket, a drop in Lake Travis.

"When you vote, you are exercising political authority. You're using force. And force my friend is violence, the supreme authority from which all other authority is derived."
---Starship Troopers

While I do not share such an extreme opinion with Robert A. Heinlein, voting is the one control I have over my, our, government without being directly involved in policy making, enforcing, or justifying. When we vote for a particular candidate, we express not support for the ideas that they might espouse on the campaign trail, but faith in that person, that when pressed to make a decision about the direction of our country, they will lead us to something good. They will lead us to something, to somewhere better than we are now. This is where our current situation gives me pause.

On the one hand we have Barak Obama. A fantastic orator, charasmatic, talks big. He is inspiring in a way I have never seen in politics. He talks about change like Willy Wonka talks about chocolate. But he has only been on the national political scene for 4 years.

On the other hand we have John McCain, a moderate conservative, who stirred up some controversy in his party for reaching so whole heartedly across the aisle on the failed Illegal Immigration reform bill. He's a decorated vietnam veteran and has twenty plus years in the senate. But he is on the old side and he is in the same political party as G W (which is almost automatically a strike for anyone).

As I was thinking about writing this post, I thought of the Michael Douglas movie The American President. Why can't it be that simple? We have a some what clean guy trying to run a clean campaign. He's running against a jerk pulling up mud from every possible hole and slinging it. The clean president doesn't respond to the accusations because he wants to rise above, but then at the end of the third act he responds to all the criticisms at once in a blazing speech that causes every american to vote for him in the end. Unfortunately, this election isn't that simple.

We've heard a barrage of comments about why either candidate is unfit to lead this country. Barak Obama is inexperienced, playing on his celebrity rather than his policy and issues. McCain is nothing more than a third term for Bush. Both of these comments are somewhat founded in reality, then distorted for the purposes of our sound-bite culture.

I find myself in a tough spot because neither of these senators has won my vote, not yet. I am not taken in by Obama's celebrity. I became wary of him when I first heard murmur of Barak as the future of the democratic party two weeks after he was sworn in as a senator. Sorry, that is not enough time to know that. McCain is old. He has a tendancy to be misguided on economic issues (I still don't believe in the trickle down theory).

I was hoping the VP selection would help guide me a little more. But alas it did not. Barak, the candidate for change, chose Biden, a part of the machine that needs changing. Biden does give him a little more credibility as far as experience but I would truly feel more comfortable with the democratic ticket if it were reversed. McCain, who announced this afternoon, chose Sarah Palin, first term governor of Alaska. She helps him appeal more to the conservative right while also hopefully picking up some of the disenfranchised Hillary supporters. But she's only got two years experience as a Governor. I have to ask, would she be ready to take over in the event that McCain is incapacitated? I don't know.

The VP selection didn't get me any closer to a choice. Next time I talk issues.

Peace,
B

P.S. Sorry for the lack of conclusion. I'm tired.

How's this for a bad 5k

2008-08-29T18:02:00.001-07:00

Life is cyclical.

2008-08-23T18:28:00.000-07:00

I got to get out on my bike again today. I went to the Veloway. I had read that there was a path that ran from the back of Bowie High school to the Veloway. So I went down to Bowie and road around looking for this path. Bowie is surrounded by fence. So I went back into the neighborhood back behind Bowie, hoping to find the real entrance. It is a neighborhood of fricken' cul de sacs.

Eventually, I made my way back to the school and took one more loop around. I saw a little dirt path. I'm riding on a road bike, the kind with the really skinny tires. I'm wearing my cycling shoes with the cleat that sticks out of the bottom. So I hop off and start walking back behind a couple of the portables. There is a section of fence that is cut out, about two feet wide and three and a half feet tall. Once I get back there I have to walk through a little forest down a really steep cement path. I don't know if any of you have ever tried to walk in cycling shoes...its no fun. My cleats are extremely hard plastic and like to slide on concrete, plus the awkwardness of the half inch lump underneath the ball of your foot, no fun at all.

Finally, I make it to the Veloway. I love it! It is great. No cars to almost hit me or force me into the curb. Its pretty much flat except for the one real hill. It goes up 12 feet in about 12 feet. Just me and the road. I saw a deer eating greenery as I rode by. It stopped eating and looked at me as I passed, made note, and went right back to eating!

It felt good to get out. Since I sprained my ankle in the last game of the summer season of soccer I haven't been able to get out and run. It hurt a little after the ride, but nothing ice and ibuprofen didn't fix. I should be back on a running schedule in two weeks. I still want to train for a tri but I don't know anything about how to train for one. Where can you swim laps in Austin? I don't want to pay $65 for a gym membership just for the lap pool.

BTW - The title of this blog is dedicated to Justin Golbabai

School is starting up! YAY!
B

Grey's anatomy

2008-08-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

I am always amazed at how things end up. The timeliness of things, like when you are listening to a song, and things around you seem to hit on the beat. Maybe this has never happened to you, but it happens to me.

I just recently watched Grey's anatomy two part episode, "six days." This is the episode in which George's father has surgery for cancer and then dies. I remember watching it when it aired and going to work the next day and discussing it with Sarah in the CIS office. She asked me what it was like to watch that episode going through what was going on in my own life. Now that I have revisited the episode it still maintains its relevance, maybe it even gains some. What shocked me was that I looked up when the episode aired, January 18, 2007. My father passed away January 25, 2007. I watched that episode the week before my dad died. It was like cosmic training for the situation I was going to live the following week. To be fair, there were striking differences between George's situation and my own, but the key points are there.

This is part of an entry from my pen and paper journal:

"Jan. 19, 2007 4:00pm

I have survived the worst Christmas break ever. I probably would've gone crazy had it not been for Marisa.

List of things that sucked over X-mas break:
-Dad has cancer and is really close to death
-Girl from high school part of murder/suicide
-Saddam Hussein hanged
-Broke up with Natalia

Dad has not gotten any better. It seems we take two or three steps back, then stand still for a couple of weeks, then take three more steps backward. As of two weeks ago he had lost more than 50 lbs. in two months. About once a month the hospice nurse tells me she doesn't know how much longer he has. It seems that every time I get [mentally] prepared for him to die he lives and every time I get used to the idea of my dad being alive the nurse tells me he could die any day. Its a freakin' yo-yo."

The rest of the entry goes on to talk about the rest of the stuff on that list. Most of which I don't feel comfortable posting here.

Ever since my father's death I have been far more sensitive to death in the news, in movies, or on television. Like just recently, Bernie Mac, Isaac Hays, what's that about? Not to mention the war in Iraq. The state of Texas just executed an illegal immigrant. These are the things I hear louder than everything else. The man who taught me sound design in college was just diagnosed with cancer.

You know what they say about life...no one gets out alive. Now that I have thoroughly depressed you here is a funny video.

Hope that helps!

Was it the 20th or the 25th

2008-07-22T11:39:00.001-07:00

Either way, I have been single for(or almost) a year. Which means my sabbatical from the dating scene is over. This is ironic because a year ago I was concentrating on who was the next girl. That's ultimately what led me to this quest. Now that the self subscribed journey is over, I have no one in mind. Its actually kind of nice, not having to worry about the stresses that lead up to and into a relationship, or being stressed out about what to wear. All of that is crap. Of course, I'm sure all of these "yay for me being single and okay with it" will slowly fade and that pang will hit me and I'll start looking for real again. But until then...

I'm a failure.

2008-07-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

I am a failure to the blogging community. Its not my fault. Its not like the bloggers of the world welcomed me with open arms. I received cold shoulders. What kind of inspiration is that supposed to drum up? I didn't come from the school of hard knocks where someone kicks you down and you get back up to spit in their face. I'm more the 'cry into the puddle you were kicked into' kind of guy. Is it too hard to ask for some feedback every now and again? Jeez. The silence from my avid readers is deafening. I could take that as a sign that I have no avid readers but I'm turning over a new leaf. Consider this the saliva rocket in your eye community of self important bloggers. My ideas are big and my life is important. You WILL read. Oh, you'll read because I'll force you to read. If I have to sneak into your apartment and make my blog your homepage, then by golly, that's exactly what I'll do. And you'll leave comments or I'll eat your last string cheese. What's that? You don't have string cheese? Then I'll find in your fridge what you only have one of and I'll eat it hoping that you'll notice and think to yourself "That blog guy at the last of (insert singular food here). I should go see if he blogged about it." And then when you click your internet explorer icon and you see that I haven't blogged about you and your food, you'll realize that your chance at fame vicariously through me was thwarted by my need for comments. You'll leave your little comment about your meaningless food and I'll have won. And victory will taste sweet.

You have been warned.

another run...

2008-05-07T18:48:00.000-07:00

So I got lazy last week and didn't run at all. At first I thought I was coming down with something but it turns out I was just lazy.

So I got back on it today and knocked out a fantastic run. I know the numbers still aren't impressive at all but I'm okay with that. The run felt awesome. I ran my usual three mile route around the neighborhood.

Time: 31'28"
AHR: 176

Getting closer to the goal.

I would just like to thank you for teaching me how to run.

Thank you.

Running...

2008-04-23T15:33:00.000-07:00

3 Miles - 32'36" - 177 BPM

1st Mile - 10'07" - 175 BPM
2nd Mile - 11'49" - 175 BPM
3rd Mile - 10'39" - 181 BPM

Trying to do a pacing work out. I wanted to stay at a 10 min/mile pace. I wasn't too successful But when I look at my HR I was pretty good for a pacing workout(I reached the highest BPM ever during that last mile 200). For my second workout in my second week of my base, I feel damn good.

I have this problem though where I feel like I've always been in pretty good shape. So I push myself and then wind up walking to soon. I've never had a weight problem but my smoking has killed my cardiovascular system. A word to the wise, if you want to quit smoking take up a running habit. Trust me. But don't just run a mile...choose a race distance register for a race and do a beginners training program. The goal setting and the constant failure at training will, or at least it did for me, keep you from smoking.

Someday I will be able to run an 8 minute mile at a 135 BPM heart rate.

Peace

Hey! Hey! Its Earth DAY!!! YAY!

2008-04-22T04:34:00.000-07:00

It is also my cat's birthday. Happy Birthday Albee!

So in honor of earth day, I will muse about global warming

(((insert zooming in and out effect on capitalized letters spelling global warming)))

I am not really a green person. I mean I think about it when I have to and I drive a fuel efficient car. I drive that car because it is good on gas mileage so it was really an economic thing more so than it was an effort to reduce my personal carbon footprint.

The real reason I decided to write about this is because I was perusing Time.com as I do everyday at least twice, and it had an article about the Top Fifteen Green Websites.

I would like to consider myself a realist. Do I think that the polar ice caps are going to melt, turning the world into a sauna in 10 years? No. Do I think that if all 6.2 billion people in the world try to reduce a fraction of their emissions over the next 20 years it will have an impact on whether or not the earth goes into cosmic reboot someday? Sure.

It is impossible to think that the amount of plastic that we have used in the past 30 years is honky dory for the earth. Plastic takes thousands of years to biodegrade. Thousands! Not to mention we are finding small minute plastic particles in the gill structures of our fish. Seriously, look it up. Those little plastic micro-scrubbers in your exfoliating scrub are removing dead skin cells and then traveling through the sewage into the eco system at some point (unless you are using St. Ives Apricot Scrub, which is the only scrub I know for a fact that uses pumas stone). It would be silly to think that humans while changing the face of the earth by deforestation and concretization doesn't affect the planet and its atmosphere in some negative way.

So this got me thinking...

I already got the hot fuel efficient car, what else can I do? I've recently been looking at composting but I don't have a garden and I live in a third floor apartment so it isn't very feasible. I don't really recycle. But my apartment complex doesn't recycle plastic which is most of what my recyclables are. I will look into where the closest recycle place is located and if it is within 15 miles of my place of business or home I will go to it. I wish I could plant some trees or something. I've already decided that this summer unless i have to go more than twenty miles and do it very quickly, that I am going to ride my bike everywhere. Stupid gas prices. I would hate to be driving anything bigger than my car this summer. I suppose that is something but its so far away, six weeks away. I live in Texas so keeping the a/c off isn't an option. Those of you in PA that roll your eyes, really. We have "PA August" from late May until October. But I do pledge to keep my a/c at 80 degrees. Maybe 82 if I can fall asleep like that.

On an unrelated note, I woke up yesterday at 5:00 AM and wrote yesterdays entry. Today I did the same. I like this trend and hope it continues.

Peace
B

Catholic 20 Somethings Crawfish Boil

2008-04-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

I promise this isn't just a training blog

2008-04-19T17:49:00.001-07:00

but... I did go running today. I ran the 3.3 loop again. I felt like I ran, as opposed to walking, more today but I ran almost two minutes slower. My average heart rate was 165. I run with a heart rate monitor. It is supposed to be a great training tool. I understand how I am supposed to use it. I'm supposed to calculate my Max which using the cheap and easy 220-my age is 196. Then this is supposed to give me the ability to calculate zones, like easy, aerobic, hard, speed. At this point with me building my base I am supposed to run in the easy or aerobic zone and eventually I'll be able to run farther and longer in this zone without walk breaks.

Here is the rub.

When I run my heart rate shoots up to 185, even at an "easy" pace. And when I walk I can't get my HR up over 135. The in between of walking and running is quite possibly the most annoying thing ever. So I just run "easy" until i need to walk then I walk. Some day I will run and use the zones appropriately. But not today.

After having completed some form of physical activity for longer than a half an hour four days this week (plus I'm a teacher but lets not go into that), I decided that health and physical fitness is a choice. It is also a commitment. It takes time. This is where I launch into a physical fitness and spiritual fitness parallel but I smell funny.

Shower time!

Peace

Continuing previous entry

2008-04-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

SO I did go running and I ran approx 3.3 miles in about 33 minutes. My Average heart rate was 166. Again it was a run/walk scenario, so I couldn't honestly call it running. It felt good though. Definitely an improvement from last run(which was the same loop). I realized on the run previous to this that I am a runner (though I can't call myself a runner yet) who annoys a lot of people on the runner's world forums. I was reading the forums and there was one thread that was called "Annoying Runners." A good number of the people in the forum talked about the runners who show up at the races and run all out for about five minutes and then walk and then run, so on and so forth. I am one of those runners. Now keep in mind I hope by this time next year I am not one of those runners. But I am.

Tomorrow is the District theater festival. I probably shouldn't show my face since I withdrew my entry. But I will. I only withdrew because the kids didn't seem to take me serious. Two months, five days a week, one hour a day, and these kids(seventh and eighth graders) couldn't get off book for a twenty nine page ensemble piece. Give me a break. Meh. It saddens me but I will survive. next year will be awesome. This year provided so much to learn from. I suppose that is true in all cases.

Well I am going to go read.
Peace

2008-04-18T15:41:00.001-07:00

I took two days off. But on tuesday I ran(really ran/walked) for forty minutes. With a Average heart rate of 167. It sucked on my legs so hard. I'm about to go running so I will come back and report again.

peace

Forgive me avid readers...

2008-04-14T16:52:00.001-07:00

This will also become a training log for me.

As such:

I just rode my bike for 54 minutes and 49 seconds with an average heart rate of 157 which is 80% of my max heart rate. Which qualifies this work out as awesome. Tomorrow I run three miles!

Peace

Reflection

2008-04-13T18:30:00.000-07:00

I got a chance to sit around and think for a little while. You know, really just think.

I think I'm doing alright.

Its weird because I don't really think I've been able to say that for a couple of years. I mean really "alright". I have been extremely blessed. Outside of my father I haven't had any real adversity. And I'm beginning to get into stride so to speak. I have a stable job, one that I had no intention of having(ever!) but is fun and fulfilling. My base of friends is growing here in Austin. My apartment is still a mess but I never said I was done growing as a person. There are plenty of things I need to work on but for now, as I look back at where I was and where I am...I am happy.

I learned how to two step yesterday!

Peace!
Brandon

That's right!

2008-02-24T17:50:00.000-08:00

After almost 60 days off, here are two entries in the same week.

There is really nothing new to report. I am excited about the possibilities of this summer. I suppose that's new. The light at the end of the first year tunnel is just visible.

I still have to take my Pedagogy and Personal Responsibilities test to get my official certificate. I'm not too worried about that though (could be my downfall).

I joined an organization called the Catholic 20 somethings. I suppose there is no real official joining, aside from being put on their mailing list. But I joined a small group. It is twelve people getting together weekly and discussing matters of faith and such. It has been great. It's nice to have a place to get together with people my age and discuss religion. Anyway, I'm going to co-lead the group next session.

I am directing a musical and a one act play at school. The musical is Bugsy Malone and the one act play is called AfterMath. I'm really just trying to prove to myself that I can do two plays at once.

This is the most random entry ever.

I will write again tomorrow.

This one goes out to Styles

2008-02-17T09:54:00.001-08:00

Leave it to Chris to call me out on my lack of bloggness(not a word... I don't care). This will be a short one, while I brew my Mate, before I'm off to play music with my brother.

I've been meaning to blog about this for a couple of weeks but never got to it for various reasons. I cook probably once a week. I mean really cook. So on the days where I'm not experimenting with different spices and marinades, I like to use the microwave. Usually I buy the Lean Cuisine Pannini sandwiches, not because I am trying to control my weight just because they taste good. This time Hot Pockets happened to be on sale for 2 for $4. This is a deal because I can eat hot pockets for ever. I love meatballs and mozzarella. So I get a whole load of hot pockets and head for the check out. Keep in mind hot pockets was not the only thing I bought that day. I also bought milk and bread and such, you know the usual staples. I'm standing in line and I'm thinking about the whole "you can tell a lot about a person by...(insert random thing here like movie collection or library or underwear drawer, what ever)" So I'm sizing up the people around me. Then I look at the cashier and wonder if she judges people by the things they buy. There are certainly indicators about a person. So I'm checking out and she starts scanning my stuff.

"Paper or Plastic?"
"Plastic is fine." For all of you greenies out there I reuse them so lay off.

... She begins to scan my mound of Hot Pockets.

"This will soak up a lot of alcohol."

Stupid judger.

List of things I need to accomplish before going back to school

2007-12-31T12:13:00.001-08:00

I need to:

-Clean my Apartment
-Clean my Classroom & Connected closets
-Write up new Syllabi
-Write lesson plans for first two weeks for all five preps
-Send out christmas gifts(late I know...)

I think thats about it...but I have a sneaking suspicion that I missed somethings.

B

Joy to the world!

2007-12-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

My Faith Journey ... Conversion story plus.

2007-12-20T17:09:00.000-08:00

I don't really remember thinking about God, faith, or religion until I was about seven years old. This is kind of ironic because I went to a Catholic school for kindergarten and first grade. I knew the Our Father and they made us go to Mass. I once came home shortly after starting kindergarten, crossed myself and said "Hey mom! I'm Catholic!" Seems a little like prophecy. My mom gently explained that I wasn't Catholic and I went on my way.

In the second grade I went to California to live with my dad. I went to a school in the basement of the Non-denominational church he went to. One day my dad sat me down in my bedroom and we had a conversation.

Dad: Are you saved?
Second grade me: What do you mean dad?
Dad: Have you invited Jesus Christ into your heart as your Savior?
Me: (thinking. Beat) No.

And then my dad prayed with me. I asked Jesus to come and enter my heart and save me. Looking back, this moment in my memory almost makes me cry. My dad did this because he wanted the best for me. He believed in God and wanted me to give my life to him. It is probably one of my favorite memories of my dad. It was before all of the crap. I digress... So I was saved. I went to church and sang and prayed. I didn't have an understanding of exactly what I was doing but I had a relationship with God. At the end of that year my dad boarded the USS Abraham Lincoln to go to the Persian Gulf and I moved back with my mom.

We moved to Pennsylvania after she got out of the Navy. Mom never really went to church, not weekly anyway. But when we moved to PA I began going to a Methodist church with my grandfather. I started going to Sunday School and singing and praying. I was growing as a Christian. Again, I remember one specific moment with my grandfather. I hadn't been very faithful to the every sunday church trip. In fact it was pretty spotty. Anyway, Saturday night rolls around and I decide I am going to go to church tomorrow. For whatever reason I really wanted to go that Sunday. So I go to bed and wake up the next morning get dressed and put on my Sunday best. I'm combing my hair and I hear my grandfathers Cadillac start up and pull out of the driveway. I run downstairs and out the door, chasing after him on his way to church. I was crushed. I cried. He left without me! My church going was on and off in the next few years.

Meanwhile my dad moved back to Texas after he got out of the Navy. I think it was the summer of my seventh grade year, I went to my dad's for the summer. It was a normal visit. I don't even remember what brought the topic up, I may have asked my dad if we were going to church or something, but my dad and I began to talk about Christianity. My dad dropped a bomb. He did not believe in God. This shook me to the core. This made me cry. I'm not sure why. I don't think I was worried for my father's soul or anything of that sort, but this affected me. He explained that if the Bible is an accurate historical document, then the Bible says that the world was only 6,000 years old, 10,000 tops. Science, he explained, says that the Universe existed for least 4 billion years. I don't remember any of his other refutations of Christianity, but my dad was a confirmed Atheist. I was old enough to recognize that my dad didn't come up with this on his own. He had read it somewhere. So after that conversation I set out to find out about religion.

I read the Bible, about the Bible, about Judaism, about Islam. Over the next few years I fell away from Christianity. I became an Atheist. Not necessarily because of my dad, but partly because it was the 'in thing' with a group of friends and partly because if all of these different groups believed different things but proposed that they were true, then they were all wrong. So I began to read existentialists. I started with Emerson and moved to Thoreau. I read about collective consciousness and other non-theistic philosophies. I wasn't so much an advocate of one idea or another. I just loved to talk about religion and philosophy. I became the devils advocate in every conversation. I liked to question Christians about all of the points that an Atheist would ask.

Then I discovered what it meant to be an Agnostic. That was my new label. It is not possible to know beyond a shadow of doubt that God does exist. I still liked to talk philosophy and religion but I was certain no one could know.

By the time I got to college I began to feel something. It was a sort of uneasiness. I began to feel there was something more. Something tangible, feel-able, even if only internally. I had a friend that year who was a Wiccan. So I began to ask questions. I got into the occult type stuff. I did not wear black or turn into a hippy or anything like that. I began to do some reading about paganism and wicca. It all seemed plausible. Why not? The earth has a living spirit and 'spells' were nothing more than being able to move that spirit to my whims. It wasn't like The Craft or anything like that. It was more subtle. I never did any spells or join any covens and ultimately I dismissed it. It ease my uneasiness.

So I floated spiritually for the next year or so looking for peace. I began taking a class on Buddhism. This I could get into. What could be more peaceful than Buddhism? I read about the different types of Buddhism. I read about the monks. It all made sense to me. I have to say, I never became a monk or began practicing Buddhism with a group, but what I did do did not give me a full sense of peace.

At this point in time, I was dating a girl. She was Catholic. She invited me to Mass. I went. This was a wonderful experience. I wasn't an active participant. I tried to do the calisthenics with everyone else (sit, stand, kneel) and not stand out. After the reading of the Gospel the liturgy of the Eucharist started and I was brought to tears. I didn't understand it. It didn't make sense. Why was I tearing up? It was a good cry, but I held it in it. I didn't want to look weird! I felt at peace. It was wonderful. I didn't share this with my girlfriend. A couple days later at two in the morning I went to the church and just sat in the pew. Just hanging out with God. I decided to give it a chance again. About a month later I called a priest friend and scheduled a meeting. We had a drink and just chatted. I continued to go to Mass every once in a while to fill up on peace when I needed it.

That March the Holy Father's, Pope John Paul II, health seriously declined. I was stuck to the TV for two weeks. First of all, I understood the historical significance of what was happening. We were watching live on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, what have you, the death of one of the holiest men ever to live. I continued to watch all through the novena and the conclave. It was during this period that I discovered the Rosary. I decided then that I was going to enter RCIA the following fall.

I realize now after reading what is written that I have missed a few major points like the DaVinci Code, my roommate Greg, and Rose's Dad. I'm sure I will come back to those topics in the process of writing in this blog.

I want to end this entry by saying I was nervous about putting most of this down. Most of the people I know from college, whom I would want to read it, don't really know this side of my life. Its not even a side of my life but is my life. My faith is so important to me. But never in my past have I been this into religion as something I am part of. I remember telling one of my college friends that I was going to RCIA, that I was joining the Catholic Church, and he said with moderate disdain, "Why?" Had I been looking into any other religion, Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, no one would've questioned. I don't know. Let it be as it may.

Peace,
B

About the move to Texas.

2007-12-20T15:00:00.001-08:00

I realized last night what makes my situation here in Texas a little lonely. At first I thought it was a lack of 'true' friends. Now I realize it is a lack of friends that I can call up and say "Hey, where are you? ... Wanna hang out?" and then just sit around and shoot the breeze. I mean, I have friends. People from work, people from church, 20 somethings. I think its because we are all adults with lives and stuff. I met a lot of people, great people. But these people went to college together, work together, grew up together. I also have this personality that doesn't allow me to 'impose'. I don't know. Soon I will have those friends, I have no doubt, new friends not replacement friends.

I will do a post later on my faith.

I apologize for being long winded.

My take on education(aka how I became a teacher).

2007-12-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

I went to pre-school for two years. This should make me a genius but that is not why my mother put me in pre-school. It was more a necessity because both of my parents worked. I learned the alphabet, got my first make out session(no joke ask my mom), learned to swim, and pretended that toy boats were guitars with my friend. That was the good life. Nap time, snack time, alphabet time. Although, those were the forming years that cemented my hatred of grits. Yuck! tastes like soupy sand with butter. Gross!

I went to seven different schools before the fifth grade. One catholic school, one evangelist christian school, one inner city school, and four other nondescript public schools in the suburbs. Again I wasn't a genius child but I pretty much met no difficulty until the third grade.

I got a 'U' in handwriting(back when 'U' was still a grade). I still can not write in cursive and not have it look like a third grader wrote it. I hated cursive. Mrs. Shay sent me home with note cards with our spelling words written in perfect script for me to trace using my index finger. I got 'U's! Finally I went to the fourth grade with my crappy cursive and have written in print ever since.

Eventually, I went to sixth grade. I found some sort of social life and my grades began to suffer. I don't remember much from middle school except from a few experiences in choir and band. I remember in eighth grade Mr. Spudy tried to make it dress code that the students tuck their shirts in and wear belts. For some reason, in our 12 year old brains, this was unacceptable. So we organized a walk out. Most of the eighth grade students were walking out when, near the front door, we hear, "GET BACK TO CLASS!" Like roaches running from light we scattered. I look back at our civil disobedience and laugh at our lack of fortitude.

Then I went to high school. It wasn't that I didn't already know that I needed an education and a record that identified my exceptional completion of the grades, I just didn't care. I was in the a marching band so I spent a lot of time at the school doing band things. My grades were sufficient, mostly C's. It wasn't that I wasn't capable of getting an 'A'. I didn't like to do homework. This still haunts me even today. My sophomore chemistry teacher was impressed at my ability to pass her class with a 'C' without turning in any homework or lab reports. I knew the material. I aced all of the tests, to the chagrin of some of my fellow students. By my junior year, the calling of college and the permanent record full of mid level grades made me step up ... sort of. I dropped all of the honors classes I had been taking. I took a schedule of all regular classes. All of my friends were honors or AP type kids and they all got straight 'A's. I picked up my homework and got almost straight A's. I was ready to start taking the challenging classes.

Guidance Counselor: Why do you want to take honors physics?
Me: Huh?
GC: That's one of the hardest classes offered in this school.
Me: Oh, um, I can do it.
GC: Looking at your honors chem grades, I have some reservations.
Me: What? No, I can do it.
GC: Let's call your mom and see what she says.
(dials)
GC: Hello Mrs. Snyder ... Huh? Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. Loutsenhizer ... Yes, your son would like to take honors physics ... Right ... well, I feel it might be too challenging considering his previous experience with honors science ... right, well ... ok ... yes, um ... thanks for speaking with me ... uh huh, have a good day.
(To Me)
Alright, but if you have difficulty remember I warned you.

I got straight A's in honors physics. I sent her my mid term and final with bright red A's on the front with a note that said "Thanks for the encouragement!"

I got into two colleges. I chose the one that would not keep me in debt for a million years. My college transcript reads a lot like my high school transcript. For different reasons. I was a drinker ... allow me to clarify. I had friends who were drinkers and were twenty one. I failed two liberal arts requirements that fall. It was tough to climb out of that hole. A theater major is required to participate in productions. During production I was always on campus until late. Not an excuse but relevant information. I still hadn't received the grace of an appreciation for knowledge and learning. That came later in college.

Once I got it I contemplated staying in school longer. Maybe pick up a second major with the plan for law school or grad school of some kind. I decided to finish the first degree. I could always come back. That last year I was planning/hoping to get a directing internship at some regional theater or hit the audition circuit. I wanted to begin the next chapter in my theatre career.

My father was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma in August of 2003. It was a tumor in the base of his tongue. Our scattered phone conversations were becoming more difficult because of the swelling and growth of the tumor. I found myself at a cross roads. Do I go begin my artistic career or do I move to Texas to live with my dad? I decided to move to Texas.

When I graduated I became the first in the family to graduate from college. Shortly afterward I looked for jobs in the Austin/San Marcos area. My girlfriend at the time told me to look into AmeriCorps. "They will help you pay off your loans a little too" Sounds great! After a lot of searching I found a couple of interesting placements. I applied for a position as a mentor/tutor to 'at risk' youth. It would put me on a school campus helping out kids. It sounded way better than some of the positions which seemed like paper pushing internships. They called and asked me for an interview. The rest was history. I got the job. I was placed at a middle school in Kyle, TX.

I enjoyed the work. It was kind of an escape from life at home. I was dealing with about 20 kids on a personal basis but I met and got to know many more. Over the course of the year I began to hear about the theater teacher. He was an older man and apparently he didn't relate very well to the kids. My boss was the first to mention the possibility of me teaching theater arts.

Teaching never appealed to me, at least not since pre-school. While all of the other kids wanted to be rock stars or astronauts. I laughed at their unrealistic goals. I was reasonable. I wanted to be a teacher. That slowly faded as a I took an interest in computers and programming. Then I started performing in High school. I wanted to be an actor. Even through college I thought teaching is what out of work actors do(this is true but it is a choice). Working on a middle school campus made me respect what teachers do. Slowly the bug bit me. I was entertaining the idea more and more. Finally, word got out that they were not going to invite him back.

Me: What do I need to do to get that position?
Principal: Get certified.
Me: Done.
Principal: Submit a resume and application.
Me: Done.
Principal: We'd like to interview you.
Me: Done ... I mean okay.

(Insert interview here)

Principal: We are recommending you for the theater arts teaching position to the district.
Me: Great! (Pumps fist)

Now I am a teacher.

So this is what is on my mind.

2007-12-16T00:55:00.000-08:00

I have to preface this entry with this: I just came from a Catholic Christmas party.

The Christmas party was fun. I enjoyed myself. Had a little bit to drink. I took my own white elephant gift home. I left alone. This doesn't disturb or annoy me. I went there knowing I would come straight home afterwards. But watching all of the couples go home, even the ones that had connected tonight, made me wonder when I would be part of a couple again.

I realize that this is becoming an old LJ entry but bear with me.

I am in the middle of a year long singleness. This is something self imposed. Even if a girl had asked me to go home with her(knowing that nothing would happen aside from further conversation), I would've said "no," and explained why.

I ended a sort of secret relationship in July. The previous relationship (the one before the secret one) ended for distance reasons and ultimately was a good decision on my part.

Here is the story.

I graduated from college in May of 2006. I was dating a girl. I began dating her in September of that year. I also began formal formation for entry into the Roman Catholic Church that month (that decision had nothing to do with the girl). She was supportive of my conversion. We had a physical relationship, one that was not approved of by the Christian faith. I love my faith and struggled with the relationship, especially after my baptism. I was never up front with her about my struggle and allowed the physical aspect of the relationship to continue. I can remember a specific conversation that took place before my baptism in which I said, "I am not going to do this halfway." I was referring to my Catholicity. She got offended. She took the statement as a comparison to her Catholicity. Her response was, "So you think I'm doing it halfway?" This was not a judgement on her faith. It actually at the time was a veiled attempt to see if she would mind the change in the relationship. In the end, I moved to Texas after graduation and she moved to Poland. I am not very good over the phone. I can get jealous and my imagination runs with me. We often got into fights over silly stuff but they were emotionally draining. We held onto what we had until one fateful conversation. After I moved to Texas, I began attending the local church. Over a period of about three months I decided that I couldn't live in a way that wasn't in accordance with the churches teaching on sex. I told her this and she was upset. She was upset because I had made this decision without her. She said that she didn't know if she knew me anymore. She was worried that my other views had changed, like my political stances, she essentially called me a conservative christian. I don't blame her. I should've presented my quandaries long before that discussion and I could've presented them in a way that made her feel like more a part of the process. I ended that relationship while she was in a lot of personal strife. I am incredibly sorry for the pain I may have inflicted but I am not regretful. So that relationship was over.
[edit 12/17/2007 after reading this again. This is an over simplification of the end of this relationship. It also had a lot to do with my father's illness. I will write on that more someday.]

Not long after that I began a new relationship that made itself very physical very quickly. Again, I didn't express myself about the moral quandaries that were in my head. Finally, when I did it was too late. That discussion quickly heated up. I didn't want to be seen as the "Jesus Freak" and she didn't want to be seen as the "Pagan Heathen." Ultimately I think it ended for reasons far bigger than that.

The point is that here I am alone, now for almost 6 months. I am uncomfortable being single. I feel like every female friend I make is a possible mate. I find myself (and I hate that I do this) rating girls as possible mates. I meet a girl and I wonder if she's the one. I really do want to marry the next girl I date. Wouldn't that be wonderful? If it were that simple?

So this self imposed singleness ... I suppose if God dropped in my lap the perfect girl for me, I would be open to that, but I feel as though that is not the case at the present time. I met a couple of different girls tonight. All of which were wonderful, beautiful, and pleasant to talk to. None of which set off the spark. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't want to force it anymore.

All of the couples I met tonight were in their late twenties. Maybe I'm in for more than a year. I'm okay with that as long as it lasts until I die. I didn't even touch on the possibility of a calling to a holy order, but thats a distinct possibility as well.

God will let me know in his own time.

Much love,
B

Yet another one

2007-12-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

I always start these things after some momentous event like New years or in this case my 24th birthday. The intention is keep it somewhat regular. By having a blog or online journal I feel like my ideas and mental meanderings are worthwhile.

This first entry is going to be huge.

And now for something I have never done...

From the beginning...(the abridged version)

I was born in Balboa Naval Hospital on December 2, 1983 to parents who thought they were doing the right thing by getting married. We lived in San Diego until I was three. Then my parents were divorced and my mom transfered to a naval base in Louisiana. My father stayed back in San Diego until his contract was up and he got out of the Navy and moved to back to his hometown, Austin. Both parents found new mates. My father re-upped in the navy and moved back out to San Diego. My mom had a daughter in '89. Both parents had a son with their mates early in the year '91. All this time, I'm of course moving back and forth during summers and alternating holidays. In 1993, my mother, with family in tow, moved to the Pittsburgh area. Later that year my youngest sister was born. I believe I am in fifth grade now. I started going to the same school with regularity, Penn Trafford. Sixth grade is really when I begin to have my formative moments. The strongest memories come from sixth grade on. The first day of sixth grade I met Bob Rozycki. He was my best friend. His was the first house I spent the night at that wasn't family. We were in the chorus together. He got me into band. He loved sports. We would hang out watch movies and play video games. Sometimes, usually after the yearbook came out, we would list all of the girls we could think of and rate them using a rubric and determine who the top three girls in the school were. I always had a girlfriend and he never did, not until high school anyway. My relationships then were pretty meaningless. Me and a girl would talk on the phone for hours(a feat I can't perform anymore). That was the extent of a relationship for me. Typical I suppose. I was really into performing, singing and band anyway. I met Chris(two years ahead of me) and Greg(one year) along the way but they play a bigger part in high school. In the eighth grade I earned myself my first solo in the chorus and that cemented my love of being on stage. Off to high school. My freshman year started with band camp. I was the freshman that everyone loved to hate. I was mouthy. I didn't respect the authority of the three grades ahead of me. I played the tenor sax, which put me in the lower brass. Bob was in the band with me. I think by the end of band camp I had been through one girlfriend and moved onto the next. Band camp was three weeks long. The relationships at this point were beginning to progress to something more than phone calls. I can remember one run in with Chris. He didn't like me because of my lack of respect. We were on break and I walked past a trumpet meeting and gave them the finger and ran. Chris and fellow trumpet Brad chased me down the hall, outside, into the courtyard. They threatened to break my finger. I don't remember how I got out of it but I did. Band came and went, then came musical auditions. I auditioned just to get in the play. I never expected a call back. But the call back list went up and there was my name. Chris and I were called back for the production tenor role. If you've only seen the movie its the guy who sings "Beautiful Girls." Of course in high school people like to talk. Even my best friend Bob told me they wouldn't give a freshman a solo. There were even threats on my life(none serious enough to matter but at the time it kind of made me concerned). I got the solo and I'm still alive. Through that production Chris and I became very close. That sparked my love of theater. The next year is kind of a wash. I gained a few more friendships with people who previously thought little of me. Chris and I grew closer. Bob was still a staple in my life. There were a couple other girls(my life has really been defined by the girls I dated). I really used to measure my life by girls, not in a qualitative sense, but as eras.

"Don't you remember that party?"
"When was it?"
"You were dating Valerie."
"Oh yeah. Yeah I remember that."

Wow. This is what is on my mind. Girls. Well, girls and best friends. To make the longer story short, we all went off to college and now I'm in Texas. There is so much more that I want to talk about. Defining relationships. My father's death. My sisters disappearance which we now know as her moving to Montana. My brother and sister down here who are cool as hell. I'll continue this some other time.

Entry 1 down.